Desi Tinder

Why Indian parents want us to get married early and what can we do about it?

Hi 👋 Prado here

3 Things I thought worth sharing with y’all

This week’s newsletter is bit different. Due to time constraint, I’ll be elaborating on a Twitter thread I wrote this week rather than writing a completely new blog.

Why Indian parents want us to get married early and what can we do about it?

Disclaimer: I'm just writing down my thoughts and please do not take anything I say offensively.

The reason behind this thread 👇 

Last weekend, I got on a call with an extremely intelligent 24-year-old woman.
IIM graduated currently handling a full-time job and a startup with 6 clients.

She told me about how her family is trying to get her married and it's giving her anxiety 🙌
I asked her to rate 1-10, how much anxiety does that give you?
She replied with 8. Which absolutely blew my mind.

I couldn't imagine the impact she would bring if she was not anxious all the time.

Quick History:

Before Industrial Revolution, labour was done manually. Kids were an economic asset. More kids = More farming work.

Then came industries, factories & machines. They took away the jobs.
Kids were no more an economic asset.

Read how the 1500 years old agricultural moral code began to die from the book The lessons of history

The other day I asked my uncle, what goals are you working on right now?
Uncle:- "My next goal is to get my first son married (He's 23)"
Me:- It's not his decision or his job to get him married.
Uncle:- "Yes it is".
“I'll be the one paying for it and I have money in my hands right now. The last year of bull run has given me good business. I even bought some Dogecoin.”
Disclaimer: He didn't actually say all that but you know what someone means when they say it.

I realised this whole "parents want to get you married" decision comes down to few things:
I want to talk about two of them:-

  1. We are living in their house.

  2. Society & Caste

Parents don't want to have a 24-26 yr old in their house unmarried when other families in the community are getting their kids married.

More time you spend = Fewer chances of my kid getting a good partner.

Society & Caste. "What will people say" "Log kya kahenge"
What will people say when we have an unmarried 25-year-old in our house?
People will say it was parents duty to get them married early.

Overthinking and making up fake scenarios :)
Uncertainty overtakes.

Our kid has to be married in a reputable family.
When a father gives his daughter, he is not giving her to a guy but a whole family. So he tries to do it in the community.

He doesn't want the generational reputation to be damaged in his watch by having an unmarried kid or marrying the kid with someone outside the caste or community, etc.

To kill the uncertainty they pull some guns out. Call the relatives. Let the desi tinder begin.

What can we do about it?

I believe in conversations (they have the power to change people's minds)

This message is for young people out there:

  1. Move out. Live in your own place. Be Independent.

  2. This is probably the hardest. Talk to your parents.

    Ask them questions. Understand why they want you to get married. Ask them about their regrets and tell them that just like they regret now... you don't want to regret not working on your dreams. "I don't want to regret at least not trying to stand on my own legs."

    If nothing works, bribe few pandits to tell your parents that if they get you married before 25-26, bad things will happen (Jk, don't do this) Forceful negative thinking will only worsen the situation :)

The end goal is for you to not give up on your dreams.

If you are a parent or a relative reading this:

Please talk to your kid. Talk to them about their goals, their vision in life.
Internet is teaching us new things that you, unfortunately, didn't have access to.

Ask them what ideas & goals are they working on rather than when will they get married.

India is potentially wasting millions of young talent because of early marriage. 

This newsletter is an open conversation. Feel free to drop your perspectives in the comments below :)

2) Few Interesting Things:

  • Storytelling: Jason Silva and Tim Urban (Podcast)

3. Quote of the week:

“If you are an out-of-habit reader, read books that most do.
If you are back in the habit, read books that most don't”

(Tweet this quote)

Check out some previous newsletters:

  • How I started reading books (Read)

  • Cycle of Emotion (Read)

    Join in if you want me to trigger your curiosity every week👇

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